"Do you trust me?" These four simple words cause me to contemplate my very being. "Do I trust Him?" It's an easy question really when everything is falling into place, but when all hell is going against you and when everything is shaken but the foundation you stand on that question has a much deeper meaning. Every time I pause and mediate on those words my mind clears, the chaos settles, and I succumb to an overwhelming peace as a new perspective on my circumstances takes hold.
Today was one of those days. Church this morning was ok but things got harder from there. In the afternoon I was extremely homesick as it was Mother's Day back in the States. My mom is my rock, my best friend. . . and it killed me to not be with her. All my brothers and sisters were there. . . all but me. Yes homesickness was the first thing to grab me. And then I had a Skype date with my one and only Lynsey! I hadn't talked to her in quite some time (remember she left back in January to work with the LA Dream Center) We caught up on life but it was then the enemy started to attack me with a heavy heart - missing my friends and life back in LA. Service tonight had one problem after the other and so then discouragement overtook me. . .
I made it to my room right before the tears began to fall. I couldn't contain it any longer and I just let go. Pouring everything out to the Lord, every hurt, frustration, worry, and question. I had Jessie Rogers "Untame My Heart" playing on repeat. God then began to speak. I quickly grabbed my journal and for the next hour I didn't stop writing.
"For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when our endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." James 1:3-4
♥ - J
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